I used to go out partying every weekend. Back then. Before I went "oof" every time I sat down in a chair.
Pregaming at a friend's place, a few drinks, then the whole night at the club or hopping from one pub to the next. It was the routine and I had a great time.
Or so I thought.
One night, pretty late, I ran into a friend and we sat down to talk. The conversation went all over the place, until she dropped a question out of nowhere:
"Why do you get drunk every time you go out?"
I don't remember what I answered. I imagine I dodged it.
In my defense: I wasn't the guy throwing up (twice in my life) or blacking out (never). But it's true I got a little too happy every single weekend.
The next day the question was still there. It haunted me, as if my friend were still sitting next to me, waiting for the answer.
And the answer was uncomfortable: I had normalized it. Go out, get drunk, repeat. To me, that was having fun.
But what I actually remembered about having fun was the laughing, the conversations, the dancing, the music. The alcohol wasn't in any of the good memories. The alcohol was just a bridge. A dangerous shortcut to something that didn't need it.
Twenty years later I asked myself the same question with a controller in my hands.
Why do you grind every time you play?
Because there I was, on a Tuesday at 11:10pm, lapping a Gran Turismo 7 track I didn't feel like driving. Only because I'd bought the wheel and it killed me to see it gathering dust. Setting a time for a daily race where someone would punt me off at the first corner anyway. All of it with the same face I make loading the dishwasher.
The dailies, the streaks, the 100%, the platinum. That's not playing. It's the pregame: the ritual we mistake for the fun because we've been doing it for twenty years.
With one difference. The pregame didn't have a team of designers getting paid to make you come back. Or a passive-aggressive owl reminding you it's been 37 days without missing one.
And hey, if you've grinded until 2am, so have I. Last month, in fact. Nobody here looks down on you: your bad habits are mine too.
But try this. Imagine there's no streak to break, no daily about to expire, no percentage to push. Nothing to protect. What do you actually feel like playing tonight?
That's the answer I owed my friend.
Your hour is sacred.
For when…
...you need to remember why you play: Journey. Two and a half hours start to finish, no levels, no coins, nothing to grind. You walk, you slide down dunes, and at some point a stranger appears beside you and you can't even talk to each other. You can play it in a Saturday afternoon and remember it for years. Not for you if you need objectives and scoreboards: there's only the journey. It's on PC and on PlayStation.
If you know another dad who plays with guilt, forward him this letter. The club is his too.
PS: In case you're wondering: yes, I slowed down. One of the best decisions I've ever made. Thanks, Marisa.